Comments from work last night that I was not sure how to reply to:
1. "You're really hot, for a 27-year-old!" Um. Thanks, I think.
2. "You have really big lips!" Yes. Yes I do. I grew them myself.
3. "If you're not a good boy, we're going to send you to the kitchen with the waitress, and she's going to make you wash dishes!" Please do not use me to scare your children. The fact that I'm wearing a tie is frightening enough.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Wednesdays are for randomness
*I attribute part of my obsession with coffee to the fact that I like the lingo.
That statement doesn't make any sense, until you consider that, outside of a coffee shop, the words, "Iced double tall skinny vanilla latte" make no sense. Therefore, in my mind, it's kind of a code.
My obsession with codes/abbreviations/secret languages (if you will) probably goes back to when I was about nine and made up a flashlight code with my neighbor/BFF so that we could communicate after our designated bedtime. We also spent a lot of time speaking in Pig Latin o-say as-hay o-tay annoy-hay y-may rother-bay.
Anyway, I have ascertained that my Summer Coffee Obsession is the drink mentioned above. It's cold (nice in the summer), delicious (nice no matter the season) and involves skim milk (nice for those of us who hear, "If you eat that you're not going to fit into your wedding dress!" several times a day.)
*Speaking of not fitting into our wedding dresses, someone needs to have a chat with Facebook. I'm slightly creeped out by targeted advertising; I'm even more creeped out by the fact that every time I log in to Facebook, I'm greeted with a banner ad: "Don't be a FAT BRIDE." Thanks for your concern, Facebook, but at my last fitting, the seamstress informed me that if I didn't eat more, my dress would fall off. That's why I'm enjoying these delicious nachos at this very minute. I'm doing it for you, my beloved wedding guests, so as to avoid losing my dress mid-ceremony. That's just awkward.
*And on another wedding-related note - I was going with mom for the aforementioned fitting when I mentioned that I was flummoxed about a veil. (These are things I have never worried about before, and do not anticipate worrying about ever again.) The conversation went as follows:
Me: "Mom, do you think it's weird that I don't want a veil?"
Mom: "Um. I would be a lot more concerned if you DID want to bail, but if you're even CONSIDERING bailing, then I suggest you bring that up now so that..."
Me: "Mom. I said 'VEIL.'"
That statement doesn't make any sense, until you consider that, outside of a coffee shop, the words, "Iced double tall skinny vanilla latte" make no sense. Therefore, in my mind, it's kind of a code.
My obsession with codes/abbreviations/secret languages (if you will) probably goes back to when I was about nine and made up a flashlight code with my neighbor/BFF so that we could communicate after our designated bedtime. We also spent a lot of time speaking in Pig Latin o-say as-hay o-tay annoy-hay y-may rother-bay.
Anyway, I have ascertained that my Summer Coffee Obsession is the drink mentioned above. It's cold (nice in the summer), delicious (nice no matter the season) and involves skim milk (nice for those of us who hear, "If you eat that you're not going to fit into your wedding dress!" several times a day.)
*Speaking of not fitting into our wedding dresses, someone needs to have a chat with Facebook. I'm slightly creeped out by targeted advertising; I'm even more creeped out by the fact that every time I log in to Facebook, I'm greeted with a banner ad: "Don't be a FAT BRIDE." Thanks for your concern, Facebook, but at my last fitting, the seamstress informed me that if I didn't eat more, my dress would fall off. That's why I'm enjoying these delicious nachos at this very minute. I'm doing it for you, my beloved wedding guests, so as to avoid losing my dress mid-ceremony. That's just awkward.
*And on another wedding-related note - I was going with mom for the aforementioned fitting when I mentioned that I was flummoxed about a veil. (These are things I have never worried about before, and do not anticipate worrying about ever again.) The conversation went as follows:
Me: "Mom, do you think it's weird that I don't want a veil?"
Mom: "Um. I would be a lot more concerned if you DID want to bail, but if you're even CONSIDERING bailing, then I suggest you bring that up now so that..."
Me: "Mom. I said 'VEIL.'"
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Notes from all over
*I do not have appendicitis. And the Weird Pain went away, so I can stop worrying about it.
* I'm working on applying to schools in Los Angeles. I'm excited. And reeeeeealy ready to move. Surf lessons, anyone?
*I'm terribly afraid that the Peru trip has given me a Travel Bug that I may never get rid of. And by "afraid" I mean "excited."
*Some people are weird.
*Wedding planning is hilarious. Excerpt from a conversation with the florist: "I use orchids like most people use carnations!" Gulp.
*This blog is starting a new five-part series. Wednesdays will be Blogging for Brent. Stay tuned!
* I'm working on applying to schools in Los Angeles. I'm excited. And reeeeeealy ready to move. Surf lessons, anyone?
*I'm terribly afraid that the Peru trip has given me a Travel Bug that I may never get rid of. And by "afraid" I mean "excited."
*Some people are weird.
*Wedding planning is hilarious. Excerpt from a conversation with the florist: "I use orchids like most people use carnations!" Gulp.
*This blog is starting a new five-part series. Wednesdays will be Blogging for Brent. Stay tuned!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
I CONFESS!
The more superficial my blogs are (see below) the more emotional upset I'm typically in.
I think I'll go biking. Because it's beautiful outside. And I need to try to breathe.
I think I'll go biking. Because it's beautiful outside. And I need to try to breathe.
6 more weeks...
The following conversational excerpt is the primary reason I will not miss waiting tables:
Me: (Random introductory stuff to table, followed by request for drink order.)
Man at Table: "Iced tea."
Me: "Sir, have you had our iced tea before?"
MAT: "No..." (Suspicious glare.)
Me: "It's tropical passion, made with an infusion of several different flower and plant flavors...it tastes a bit like mango." (Internal cringe at the fact that I am required to say "tropical passion" to strangers several times a day - David Overton, if you could refrain from naming your next iced tea flavor after a Fox reality TV show, that would be super.)
MAT: "I just want regular iced tea."
Me: "We only have the mango tea and green tea."
MAT: "You don't have just regular iced tea?"
Me: "No, sir. Only the mango tea and green tea."
MAT: "You really don't have just a regular house tea?"
Me: "The mango tea IS our regular tea, sir." (Internally: "You caught me! I've been lying this whole time! The trick is to ask more than three times for the regular ice tea, and then it will miraculously appear!")
MAT: "Mango tea, then." (Heavy, suspicious sigh.)
Me: (Random introductory stuff to table, followed by request for drink order.)
Man at Table: "Iced tea."
Me: "Sir, have you had our iced tea before?"
MAT: "No..." (Suspicious glare.)
Me: "It's tropical passion, made with an infusion of several different flower and plant flavors...it tastes a bit like mango." (Internal cringe at the fact that I am required to say "tropical passion" to strangers several times a day - David Overton, if you could refrain from naming your next iced tea flavor after a Fox reality TV show, that would be super.)
MAT: "I just want regular iced tea."
Me: "We only have the mango tea and green tea."
MAT: "You don't have just regular iced tea?"
Me: "No, sir. Only the mango tea and green tea."
MAT: "You really don't have just a regular house tea?"
Me: "The mango tea IS our regular tea, sir." (Internally: "You caught me! I've been lying this whole time! The trick is to ask more than three times for the regular ice tea, and then it will miraculously appear!")
MAT: "Mango tea, then." (Heavy, suspicious sigh.)
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Dear universe, please advise.
I already know what the answer to this question is, but feel free to chime in. Because I like confirmation. To make a long story short, the required grade for my Patho class here in KC is 75%. I got a 74%. I have always believed that Things Happen For a Reason.
A 74% is good enough for the nursing program I was thinking about applying to in Los Angeles. Further, the random theology/philosophy courses that I have already taken are also required for school in Los Angeles.
Choices:
Option 1: Retake patho this summer. Get married. Move to Los Angeles. Live in LA until August 2009. Move back to KC with Andrew, who would complete an internship in the KC area and then move BACK to LA for 8 months to finish school, while I stayed here in KC to complete school.
Option 2: Don't retake patho this summer. Get married. Move to Los Angeles. Apply to school in L.A. Get accepted to school in L.A. Go to school in L.A. Same program - accelerated option, loan forgiveness. Won't require that we have a long-distance marriage for 8 months.
Some things seem so much simpler after writing them out.
A 74% is good enough for the nursing program I was thinking about applying to in Los Angeles. Further, the random theology/philosophy courses that I have already taken are also required for school in Los Angeles.
Choices:
Option 1: Retake patho this summer. Get married. Move to Los Angeles. Live in LA until August 2009. Move back to KC with Andrew, who would complete an internship in the KC area and then move BACK to LA for 8 months to finish school, while I stayed here in KC to complete school.
Option 2: Don't retake patho this summer. Get married. Move to Los Angeles. Apply to school in L.A. Get accepted to school in L.A. Go to school in L.A. Same program - accelerated option, loan forgiveness. Won't require that we have a long-distance marriage for 8 months.
Some things seem so much simpler after writing them out.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Go to sleep, little appendix.
So much happened in the last two weeks that I'm basically opting out on blogging it. It would take forever, and you probably wouldn't want to read a 894-paragraph blog anyway. Suffice it to say - Peru was amazing, Bolivia was beautiful, and I have the best fiancé ever. (Side note: he left for California yesterday - HOW was that only yesterday? - and I miss him terribly. But I digress.)
World travels and engagement news aside, let us move on to more mundane aspects of my life.
I have a Weird Pain in my side. (Hey, I said mundane.) My lower right side. Which, traditionally, is where your appendix lives.
(This would probably be a good time to point out that I know just enough about medicine to be dangerous. My mom taught me to read on her American Journal of Nursing magazines, which resulted in a four-year-old me running to her with a bruise and saying, "Mommy? Is this a symptom of acute mylogeneous leukemia?")
Anyway, at the first sign of a Weird Pain in the general area of my appendix, I waste no time in jumping to the conclusion that my appendix will surely burst, I will immediately develop peritonitis, and tomorrow will find me in the hospital having emergency surgery instead of taking my theology final. Because the only symptom of appendicitis that I am currently manifesting is this weird abdominal pain, and not nausea, vomiting, fever, or anything else that goes along with Needing To Have Your Appendix Out, my appendix (whom I've nicknamed Melvin) and I are going to go to bed. Hopefully a nap will calm him down, and all will be well in the morning.
World travels and engagement news aside, let us move on to more mundane aspects of my life.
I have a Weird Pain in my side. (Hey, I said mundane.) My lower right side. Which, traditionally, is where your appendix lives.
(This would probably be a good time to point out that I know just enough about medicine to be dangerous. My mom taught me to read on her American Journal of Nursing magazines, which resulted in a four-year-old me running to her with a bruise and saying, "Mommy? Is this a symptom of acute mylogeneous leukemia?")
Anyway, at the first sign of a Weird Pain in the general area of my appendix, I waste no time in jumping to the conclusion that my appendix will surely burst, I will immediately develop peritonitis, and tomorrow will find me in the hospital having emergency surgery instead of taking my theology final. Because the only symptom of appendicitis that I am currently manifesting is this weird abdominal pain, and not nausea, vomiting, fever, or anything else that goes along with Needing To Have Your Appendix Out, my appendix (whom I've nicknamed Melvin) and I are going to go to bed. Hopefully a nap will calm him down, and all will be well in the morning.
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